OK, now that you have that image in your heads, I will excite you with tales of poker glory.

Eighteen people showed up this week, with Jonathan getting there late again. I got carded to the ping pong table, as per my usual custom, and found myself with a strange mix of very good players and very terrible players, with not much in the middle. Seated to my left were: Greg(the guy who will call any amount of money preflop is he has already put chips in the pot), Andrew, Dan, a new kid named Stephen, Sam, Andy, Josh, and Matt Gibby. I wasn't crazy about being on Greg's right, because he'd call anything I bet, which kind of limits me. I was hoping he got whacked early. On the whole, my table was full of guys who play very tight, as well as guys who are call stations. Nobody that strikes fear in my heart, in other words, although there isn't really anyone that does that, although I watch myself around Roy.

I kept finding myself with low to mid-pockets early on, and I didn't feel like getting crazy with them, mostly limping and trying to hit a set. I couldn't hit anything but overcards though, so my money kept leaving. On one hand I held jack 8 off, with the jack being a spade. I had limped in late position, and was in the pot with Andy and Josh. The flop came ace 3 6, all spades. They both checked, so I threw out a bet of 6 to try to steal it. Andy folded, and Josh called. The turn was a 9 of spades, so I had the flush to the jack. Josh checked pretty quickly, and all of a sudden I didn't feel so good about my flush. I checked it, too. The river was an offsuit 7, and Josh bet out 15. My read from earlier was that he was slowplaying something big, but the only thing that could beat me was the king or queen of spades. For some reason, I talked myself into calling him, even though I had read him as having me beat. He did, having the queen 8 of spades, which means he actually flopped it and had me drawing dead from the get-go. That was my one bad play of the night.

I was down to about 20 bucks, and I was the shortstack at my table. Despite being so low, I felt good about how I was playing, because I made some really nice reads and laydowns that kept me from going broke. At one point I had king queen, and saw a flop of ace king queen come down. Sam and Josh were in the pot, and I know Josh isn't capable of folding an ace under any conditions. I checked it to him and he bet out. Against anyone else who I thought I had beat, I would have raised all-in, but I just called, wanting to see a safe turn first. The turn was a 10, and I checked it again. Josh bet big this time, and I thought for a while, then said, "Ace jack is good- I'll lay this down for you," and showed him the king queen. He was stunned that a human being could fold one pair, let alone two, and he showed me his ace jack, just as I suspected. After that, Josh had a decent stack, as did Gibby, and Greg actually had a good amount of chips, too. Dan and Andy were both shortstacked, Dan from losing a lot of chips to Stephen, who badly misplayed two hands and got lucky, and Andy from losing a couple coinflips to Sam. The blinds were still low, so I had a little bit of time, but I needed to double up badly. Stephen, who made a lot of bad plays early but justified them by saying, "I need to figure out what you guys are playing," had been raising on my big blind all night. He came in raising again, ten bucks over the 2-4 blinds, and everyone folded to me. I saw the ace 8 of spades. Stephen had pot-committed himself to call me even if I went all-in, and he told me this as if I didn't know, like a dumbass. This kid was really pissing me off, as he had been talking trash to Dan after getting really lucky, and Dan doesn't talk crap to anyone so I don't know why he did it. Plus, if you're the new guy at the table, you better not ruffle any feathers unless you want your ass beat. So, needless to say, I didn't like the guy. I decided that my ace 8 was good preflop, and I was beyond the point of folding things that were marginally better. I needed to double up, and this seemed like an ideal time to go for it. I went all-in and he called with king queen off, so my read was good. Still, I wasn't out of the woods. The flop came all low stuff, and the turn was an ace. He could have caught a ten on the river to hit a straight, but it didn't come, so I was back up to over 40 bucks. The next few hands I won were all small pots, but 12 bucks at a time adds up. I limped with ace ten of spades at one point, then stole the pot when it got checked to me. I did that a couple of other times, too, and all of a sudden I was back up to about 70 bucks.

Greg had lost a lot of his money, and he had only about 45 bucks when the following hand came up. I had pocket 7s in first positon, and I limped in. Most of the guys at this table weren't the raising type, but they would call raises, so limping was pretty safe. Greg, Sam, and Andy all limped in behind me, and the flop came 10 7 3. I checked it, hoping to trap, and Greg went all-in. Sam and Andy both folded, and I told Greg to count his stack. It was about 45, and I called and showed my set of 7s. He didn't even turn his cards over, and instead gathered up his things and left. He said that he just had a pair of 3's, so he was drawing dead to the last couple threes in the deck. This felt good, not only because I had eliminated the long-lost cousin of Smiley McCalls, but I had done it with a nasty hand where he had no chance. Also, Greg walked in eating cheese doodles, greasing up my chips and my nice KEM cards, and I wasn't too happy about it. Plus, he never knows when it's his turn to act or deal. So yes, I was glad to take his money.

This put me up to about 130 in chips, and I was comfortable for the first time since we started. Pete popped in, as he had just been whacked when his ace king couldn't hold up against Alex's pocket queens. I've been trying to tell Pete that ace king is a lousy hand to get all your money in the pot with preflop, but he keeps getting busted with it anyway. Nevertheless, Pete is playing a whole lot better since the beginning of the year. We were down to 5 people, as Dan, Andy, Andrew, and Greg had been whacked. Stephen, trash-talking newbie, was now the shortstack, and I really wanted to take him out, as he had been a little condescending when I doubled up off him earlier. Note to everyone out there: If I have one chip in front of me, you better wait until you see it out of my hands, because I'll come back and take all the money just to prove you wrong. Everyone at the table seemed to think I was done, even though I do this every week, and again I had to come back and amaze them with my ultimate shortstackedness.

Sam came in with a small raise, doubling the 3-6 blind to 12, and was called by Andy, Josh, and Gibby. I looked down to see 6 7 offsuit, not the greatest hand in the world, but something I'd love to see a flop with because my implied odds are incredible against all these guys. Also, if I don't hit anything spectacular, I can just fold it and get out cheap. And for some reason, I had a feeling when I looked at it that it would win me a huge pot. I called the 12 bucks, and then Stephen went all-in for another 10 on top. This added to his string of lousy play, as he had to get extremely lucky to survive against five other players- even if he had pocket aces he was only about 50-50, if that. The raise was so cheap in comparison to the pot that everyone called it, and the flop came out. 5 8 9 with two diamonds. BOOM. Did I mention I had a feeling about this hand? After flopping the nut straight, naturally I checked, figuring someone would bet out at it, most likely Sam, whom I figured for an overpair. Sam came out with 20 bucks, and everyone else folded. I thought about it for a second, then went all-in for another 52, which Sam called. He had pocket jacks, and Stephen turned over ace 2 of diamonds, giving him a flush draw, something I didn't want to see, although I basically had the side pot clinched barring a running straight or boat. The turn was an ace, pairing up Stephen, not that it mattered, and the river was a black queen. This pot was huge in more ways than one. First, I took the chip lead at the table, after everyone had been talking about my imminent death. Second, I knocked out Stephen, teaching him a lesson. Third, I proved that I had a good read on Sam, despite not playing with him much. And fourth, and maybe most importantly, everybody became a little scared when they saw me with all those chips.

We now had to wait for the other table to finish, as they still had six players left. I went in to watch them play, and they were down to Roy, Aaron, Jon, Alex, Jeremy, and Donald. Roy had a big stack, Aaron and Jon were comfortable, Jeremy and Alex were the shortstacks, and Donald was up a little bit. A truly sick hand came up between Roy and Aaron, with Jon playing a minor role in it. As you probably know from reading this, Aaron is the only one with a chance to catch me in the Player of the Year standings, so if I could just manage to get about 10 points total in the next two weeks, I had it clinched. Aaron came in raising from middle position, tripling the big blind, and Roy and Jon called from the blinds. The flop was 5 5 3, and both Roy and Jon checked. Aaron bet a moderate amount, and Roy called. Jonathan sat there and thought for about 5 minutes, then folded. While he was thinking, Pete and I could see his cards- 6 8. I have no idea what he was thinking about for so long facing a bet and a call, but who knows what goes on inside the mind of a fisherman. He later said he didn't realize it was on him, but we all choose to believe he's lying. Anyway, the turn came down a 6, and Roy bet out 30 bucks. Aaron debated for a while, talked to himself, then called it. The river was a queen, and Roy checked. Aaron bet out 80, a pretty huge bet, and Roy went into the tank. After about two minutes, he called it. Aaron said, "I got nothing," and flipped over 8 9 for a busted straight draw. Roy flipped over 3 10, for a pair of 3s. What a call. This may be the best call I've seen all year, as there wasn't anything Roy could beat except a bluff. He had such a good read on Aaron, or "the Sklansky clone," as he calls him, that he was able to make that call. Hats off to you, Roy.

This hand put Aaron on tilt a little bit, and after a raise from Roy and an all-in by Alex, Aaron called it. Roy folded, and Alex flipped over ace queen off, which everyone knows can't ever win. Aaron had ace 9 of diamonds, a really suspect hand considering he had a raise and an all-in in front of him. Naturally though, the flop brought a 9, and the river brought a flush, so Alex was done. Jeremy had gotten whacked a little bit earlier, so we were down to our final eight.

We moved to the ping pong room because it has more space, and drew for position. The seating was as follows: Josh, Roy, Gibby, me, Aaron, Sam, Jonathan, and Donald. The very first hand I picked up a king ten and came in limping. The flop brought a king, I bet out, got one caller, then took it on the turn with a bet. The next hand, I had queen ten of clubs. I limped again, and the flop came 2 5 10. I bet out, got a caller, then took it on the turn with a bet. At this point I'm figuring I can do no wrong, and I need to ride my rush. I look down and see 7 10 of hearts in first position, and I come in raising this time (Don't try this at home, kids). Aaron behind me called, and Roy also called from the small blind. The flop came 2 5 9, with two hearts. Roy checked to me, and I bet out 25. Aaron quickly called, and then Roy did, too. OK then. The next card was a 6 of diamonds, giving me an inside straight draw to go with my flush draw. I decided to stay strong, and I bet out 40 bucks, which Aaron quickly called again, as did Roy. At this point I was afraid someone was on a higher flush draw than me, and I had it in my head that Roy had a set and was riding us along. I told myself that if the river didn't help me, I would shut down. Lo and behold, though, the river was an 8 of clubs, giving me the nut straight. This was the best card possible, because there was nothing that could beat me, and I didn't have to worry about a possible better flush than me. I figured, I've been betting the whole way and they've called, let's throw out a huge bet so they think I'm bluffing. I bet 80, and Aaron got into his whole hands-shaking routine. He went all-in for another 130, and Roy folded after thinking for a second. I stood up to make sure I saw the board right, as it was on the other end of the table, and then said, "I call, I've got the nut straight." Apparently, Aaron didn't like my mortal nuts, and he showed pocket 7s, said something to the effect of, "One card in the deck to help you and you get it," then left. Nevermind that I had 12 cards in the deck, plus I had been the aggressor the whole way, but oh well, it's the typical Aaron sendoff. This really clinched me as the Player of the Year, which has been my goal from day one. I can't wait to get my trophy! There was no time to celebrate, though, as I still wanted to win this thing.

After this pot, I was looking beautiful, and it wasn't just because of my pretty face. I had won the first three hands of the final table and served notice that I would be stomping people's heads into the wee hours of the night. Gibby was the next one to go. I believe Roy took him out when Roy had pocket aces and Gibby had a pair of kings, so we were down to six.

Josh had been playing surprisingly well tonight, although he's still psychotic and thinks any ace is good enough to call all your chips with. In about three straight hands, he got all his money in with ace 2. Twice I called his hand out, the third time I thought it but figured he couldn't possibly have it again, but he did. Jonathan had seen a sharp drop in his chippage, and he was in all-in mode, or at least he should have been. He came in with a small raise, doubling the blind. This would have been fine, except it was almost half his stack, and Lord knows why he wouldn't go all-in. Roy called for the discount, and they saw a flop of jack 5 7. They both checked, and the turn was an 8. Roy made a minimum bet, and Jon called, leaving himself with hardly any money. Again, why not go all-in? The river was a deuce, and Roy checked. Jon went all-in, and Roy called, basically because he had to. Roy had a pair of jacks, and Jon had ace king for ace high. Personally, I can't tell if Jon's recent rash of questionable decisions is his attempt at flicking off the poker gods, who have been great to him, or his attempt to unwittingly shatter the Unintentional Comedy Scale. Either way, it makes for great entertainment.

Now we were down to five, with the top four getting paid. Three players limped on my big blind, and I looked down to see 3 4 off. Not the greatest hand, but hell, I'll see a multi-way flop with it, especially when it doesn't cost me anything. The flop came 3 4 6, and although I was looking good, I knew I was extremely vulnerable. I threw out a pretty big bet, something like 25, and Donald moved all-in on me for another 80 or so. Everyone else folded it to me, and I had a decision on my hands. I tried to eliminate all possible holding that Donald could have. I ruled out a better two pair than mine, as he wouldn't limp in late position with either 3 6 or 4 6. I ruled out an overpair, as he would have raised coming in with it. I ruled out a total bluff, because he had seen how I had been taking everyone's money. I settled on one of two things. Either ace 6, for top pair, top kicker, or 5 6, for top pair with an open-ended straight draw. I had both of these hands beat, so I called after much deliberation. He flipped over pocket 5s, something I hadn't really thought of, but it was basically the same as 5 6, so my read was good. He had a ton of outs, though. Luckily, the turn was a 3, giving me a boat, so he was now down to two outs, the two 5s, and he couldn't hit either one, so he was out. This was another big pot, and it also got us into the money. As a side note, I can't blame Donald at all for making this play, as he had a ton of outs, and he needed to make a move. He played really well tonight, and I wish he could come out every time.

Down to four, it looked like Roy and I were all set for a head-up match of mythic proportions. I had the chip lead, and he had a ton of money, too, so it seemed to be just a matter of time. I got into hyper-aggressive mode, stealing blinds all over and using my momentum in my favor. I kept steadily going up, while the shortstacks dwindled. Roy got involved in a hand with Josh in which Roy had top pair, Josh had second pair, all the money went in the pot, and Josh caught trips on the river to double up. Needless to say, Roy was none to happy about it. Soon after, though, Roy took him out when his top pair did hold up.

As I said, I had been raising almost every hand, and I know Roy was just waiting to stick me, heads-up match be damned. I looked down and saw pocket kings on the button and raised it. Sam folded and Roy called. Now, although everyone loves to see high pocket pairs, I hate playing them against Roy because he's capable of taking all your money with a hand you wouldn't dream you're up against and leave you wondering what happened. The flop came 2 9 jack, and he bet out at me. I figured him for either top or middle pair, but for some reason I decided to play it safe and just call to see the turn. When I say play it safe, I mean play it like an idiot. The turn was a deuce of spades, and Roy bet out big. Now I had no idea what he had, because I failed to make the correct play, raising, on the flop. Again, I flat-called it, somewhat worried about the deuce, but mostly just unable to put Roy on anything concrete. The river was the ace of spades, putting the third spade out there, as well as an overcard to me. He went all-in, which was a huge bet because we had so much money. Now I had to think- what could he have to be making this play? Roy, to my knowledge at least, has never tried to make a huge bluff on me, because he knows I'm good at reading people. So he had to have something. I immediately disregarded the ace, as he wouldn't have been bluffing the whole way, only to catch an ace and think it was good enough after I was calling. The spades worried me a little bit, as he could have done the same thing I had done in the earlier hand with him and Aaron, and caught runner runner after betting strongly. In the end, though, I put him on trip deuces, as he would know I didn't backdoor a flush, and he thought he might get paid off with what seemed like a bluff bet if I held top pair or an overpair. I folded the kings, and I found out later that he had indeed, hit the runner-runner flush after betting strongly, so I felt good about my laydown.

A few hands later, I came in raising with ace jack, and Sam called. The flop was jack 10 3, and I made a big bet. Sam went all-in, and I asked him to count his chips. He did, and then he turned his hand over for some reason, exposing pocket queens. What the hell do we do now? I was planning on making the call, but now that I knew what he had, I couldn't call it. Roy was called in to make a decision, as I didn't want to give one myself as I was obviously not impartial. He said the fairest thing to do would be to chop the pot, giving everyone their money back, and replaying the hand. I didn't have a problem with it, nor did Sam. Technically, I believe if you expose your cards when someone still has a decision to make, your hand is dead, meaning I would have won the pot, but I wouldn't want to win like that. We rabbit-hunted, and the turn gave me my trip jacks, so I would have won! I don't get on tilt easily, but this came close to doing it for me. I left the room to get a drink and cool down, and then we commenced playing again.

Sam and Roy got tangled up in a nasty pot on my big blind. Sam came in with a big raise, something like 60 bucks over the 20 dollar big blind. Roy went all-in, which was enough to put Sam all-in. I folded after looking at one card and seeing a 7, and Sam called. Roy flipped over pocket queens, which I thought was the worst hand he could possibly have by making this move. I knew he wouldn't do it with ace king, and even jacks he wouldn't push that hard with. Sam turned over king queen off, so Roy was a good favorite going into the flop. The flop was ace king 3, all spades, so Sam had hit his king, plus he had the queen of spades, leaving Roy with one out. The turn was another spade, so Sam took the pot and crippled Roy. Sam was sleeping with angels all night, winning three or four coinflips at the first table to stay alive, and then hitting this pot after a bad call.

Roy was now down under 200, and I stayed aggressive and kept taking a lot of blinds. Sam ended up taking Roy out when Roy was down to about 60 bucks. I believe Roy had top pair, Sam had middle pair, and again Sam caught a card to win it. I was really disappointed, because I wanted to have a heads-up match to tell my grandkids about with Roy, but it didn't detract from my focus on winning this thing.

Now that we were heads up, I had a slight edge on Sam, about 1000-800. I took a few pots early, and had it to about 1100-700. I picked up pocket 3s and raised coming in, as I had been doing a lot with the blinds now at 20-40. Sam called, and the flop was ace jack 10. Definitely not what I wanted to see with pocket 3s, but Sam checked. Given this shot to take the pot, I bet out, and Sam called. The turn paired the jack, and again Sam checked. I knew he didn't have a jack, as judging from his past play he would have bet out, so I figured I had to represent it, as the pot was already a decent size. Again, he called. At this point, I was positive he had a lousy ace, or "the Josh" as I will now call it, and he wasn't capable of folding it. The river was a 9, and he checked again. Now I had to think if I could get him off this hand or not, as the pot was huge, but we were nowhere near pot-committed. Given my read, I thought I could make him fold, and I moved all-in. He thought and thought, and then called me, showing ace 7, which was good. This hurt me real bad, putting me down to about 400 in chips. The next few hands, we both kept hitting top pair, only his kicker was better every time. Somehow, I avoided going broke, and I found myself down to 200 bucks. I even hit trip kings one time, and so did he, but I was able to get away from it.

The chip count was now 200-1600, and I was in real bad shape. Still, I wasn't going to give up, because I know I'm better than Sam, and even with the 20-40 blinds, all I needed was one double up to take it. He limped in one time, and I went all-in with king 9, figuring I had the best hand. He folded. A few hands later, he limped in, and I found an ace 7 and went all-in again. He quickly called, and I was like "Oh, crap, he got me." But he turned over jack queen- I'm not sure why he called me, or why he didn't raise it preflop with a big stack, but oh well, I needed to double up. The flop was 3 4 6. "Low cards!" I implored the deck. The turn was another 3. The river was a deuce, and I had survived with my ace high.

Now up to about 500, I had some breathing room. I scratched around for a while, going up about 100, when the biggest hand of the match came up. I limped in with king ten of clubs (as he wasn't letting me steal the blinds at all now), and he checked. The flop came king queen 8, and I bet out 60. He raised me another 120, and I put him on either a pair of queens, or a lousy king. I went all-in for another 320 on top, and he said, "I'm gonna be stupid and call." At this point I knew I had to be ahead, and he flipped over king 3, for top pair with no kicker. I stood up to deal the rest out, which I SHOULD NEVER DO AGAIN, because i always lose for some reason when I do, and dealt the turn. It was a 3, giving him two pair, and sending shockwaves through the small crowd of onlookers that we had gathered. I knew I needed a 10 to take the pot- actually I hadn't even thought that if the board paired up I would have won, and I sent out a quick prayer to the poker gods before I dealt the river. It was a 10! My head almost exploded from sheer shock, and I pounded my fist down on the table. This wasn't the smartest thing to do, because my ring gouged out a chunk of my pinky. Still, it was worth it. What a hand.

Now I finally had the chip lead back, and I knew there was no way I was going to let him win. "No more stupid bluffs," I told myself. I started getting nice cards, too, and I took a big pot when I had jack ten suited and hit a flop of 7 8 9. Bingo! Sam actually bet out, which I just called. The turn was safe and he checked. I figured he might fold if I bet, so I let us see the river. It paired the 7, which was good, because although he could have gotten a boat, I knew he would have bet out with two pair or a set on the turn. He checked, and I bet 120. He called it with top pair, and I chopped him down.

The chip count at this point was about 1300-500. I picked up 4 8 offsuit, and I limped in on the button. This isn't a good hand, of course, but he was rarely raising and I had position. The flop came 3 5 7, giving me an inside straight draw. He made a minimum bet, and I called it, figuring I could bust him if I hit the 6. The turn was a 6, and we both checked. The river was a queen, and he bet out 100. I raised him another 300, which just left him with about 50 bucks. He thought about it, then called and showed queen 7 for top two pair. Nasty hand, although he had to figure I had the 4 at least.

The title was mine for the taking now. Sam folded his next hand, so he was down to about 40 bucks. I was the small blind, and I called his all-in before we even dealt the hands out. I dealt him pocket tens, and I had 6 7 off. I flopped an open-ended straight draw, but it didn't come through, so he doubled up. He folded the next hand, and I put him all-in on the following hand. He folded, so we were right back to where we started. I had a queen ten, so I raised him all-in, which was only another 10 or so. He called, and flipped over pocket 5s. Dammit, how is he getting these kinds of hands with no money? I hit a queen on the flop, though, and it was all over. I had finally won my first Stacy Poker Tour event, gotten the monkey off my back, come back from an amazing deficit twice, and knocked out my nemesis, Aaron, for the first time. It was a great night, and I clinched the Player of the Year title by a mile to boot. I also got $40 for my troubles.

Quotes of the day: "Terrence is so intense when he's in the hand."- Roy "Hey Terrence, you're looking kind of low there." "Yeah, Josh, last time I was this low I came back and took you out." "Don't bring that up again."- an exchange between me and Josh early in the tournament

Terrence's bankroll: $310+$35= $345